Monday, June 3, 2013

My Cabaret Consternation

Cabaret, a groundbreaking musical set in 1920's Berlin at a seedy cabaret called the Kit Kat Club opens June 12th at Playhouse on Park. The show features svelte performers traversing provocatively across the stage and throughout the lobby.

Enter my consternation, a sudden alarming, amazement or dread. I am not svelte, and if I were to traverse provocatively anywhere in public, I would run the risk of being subjected  to scorn and ridicule and possibly interrogated about my mental status. Let's face it, if I saw myself doing that, I'd do the same thing.

So back in April I decided to get in to Cabaret form, determined to strut my slender, house manager physique to the delight of all eager theater attendees. Confidently I vowed to myself and others that I would not be tempted by the momentary pleasures of sugary delights. Cake, candy bars, soda, ice cream and cookies be gone, you are the enemy of fitness, the forbidden fruit in the garden of sexiness.

Almost immediately problems occurred, namely I was hungry. I rushed to the grocery store to purchase low fat and fat free choices, with the intent to avoid  the calorie laden treats of yesteryear...That was the intent, however it was not reality. My internal autopilot  brought me to the first aisle of doom...the cookie aisle, oh the horror. My mind was filled with mega stuffed, double, triple chocolate chip, chocolate frosted bliss.

It was as though my shopping cart was possessed. It brought me to every aisle I wasn't supposed to be in, it seemingly refused to allow any healthy option to enter it. I was being held hostage by my shopping cart, a perpetual victim of its fat inducing tyranny.

My last bastion of hope was the checkout person. The disappearance of my fat ass  rested solely on the meek teenager or the indignant geriatric. Certainly they would understand my plight and forcibly  remove the offensive items from my demon shopping cart, replacing those items  with the appropriate ones needed to achieve my goal...Wait, what's this, no, not the self-checkout line. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Later that night, as I sat in my recliner, a satisfied junk food junkie, surrounded by empty packaging, my emotions were mixed. On the one hand, I sure did enjoy the greasy goodness of a not so bygone era. On the  other hand that same greasy goodness just signed a twenty year mortgage with my hips.

Tomorrow is exercise day, unless it's raining, or chilly, or cloudy, or partly cloudy, or partly cloudy with a chance of sunshine, or a bright sunny day, then it could be too hot and I sweat too much. People can die from heat exhaustion. Besides, I have to work ALL day. By the time I get home it'll be dark. I can't exercise in the dark, I could get mugged. If I get mugged I may have to take time off work. If I can't work, I'll stay home all day. If  stay home all day, I'll just eat. I could go out...nope the weather is outside. Anywhere I go, I'll just end up spending money, money I don't have because I'm not working. I could exercise indoors, but then my house will smell like sweat. If my house smells like sweat, people won't come over. I'll lose all my friends and be ostracized from polite society. I'll end up being a recluse with nothing more to offer society...Screw it, I'm having a hot fudge sundae. I can always just work the box office, there you can only see me from the waist up.

Speaking of box office, get your tickets now for Cabaret which runs from June 12 to July 21, an astounding six week run. All the Playhouse on Park stars are aligned for this amazing show and you'll be a part of it from the moment you enter.  Call 860-523-5900 x10 for tickets, or order them online at www.playhouseonpark.org

Don't forget, the first Sunday matinee of the run is a talk back, this your chance to ask the cast questions.

There's a free open mic night which starts ten minutes after the show on Saturday, June 22. Bring your own sheet music and sing along or just watch, either way you'll have a blast. I may even sing...along with people who can actually sing.  

No comments:

Post a Comment